From: The Management (aka Mama and Papa or Big Head 1 and Big Head 2)
RE: The terms of your lease
Dear Tiny Sir,
It has come to the attention of The Management that you have been violating the terms of your lease at Casa Monkey, specifically the provisions regarding nightly quiet hours. While we enjoy having you as a tenant and realize that you are only 16 months into your 18 year lease agreement, these continued violations must be addressed.
A few other important reminders about your lease:
1. Nightly quiet hours (for you) are from 7pm to 6:30am. While we admit that this is a lengthy quiet hours period, it is very important that you respect the quiet hours. The Management needs the quiet hours. We love the quiet hours. We eat ice cream and snuggle and enjoy Management Time during the quiet hours. Last night there was a violation of the quiet hours at 11:48pm. This is clearly unacceptable. Please make sure you do all of your crying on your own time, during the non-quiet hours.
2. The Management agrees to feed you several times a day for the duration of your lease term. We will provide a variety of healthy and tasty options, including an array of fruits and vegetables. Despite your clear preference, The Management declines your request for an all carb, all Goldfish crackers, toast and hot dog diet. Also, your request for unlimited access to the animal crackers is also denied. The animal crackers have been relocated to the top of the fridge. No, you may not climb the fridge.
3. The Management will gladly provide you hugs and kisses all day long. We simply ask that you please use your “gentle touch” when patting us on the head and that you consider closing your mouth and/or not using tongue when kissing The Management back. Any biting of The Management is strongly prohibited and will result in “time out” and crying (yours).
4. You may not eat the goggles belonging to The Management. You may drag her swim bag all over the house and take out and drop any objects you find in the bag, but you may not eat the goggles.
5. While you are entitled to enjoy your new found mobility, The Management must ask that you stop falling over (on purpose) all the time. Casa Monkey is known for its hard wood floors which, as you well know, are not a forgiving surface upon which to fling yourself. On a related matter: please stop learning to climb. When you scaled the safety gate on Sunday, members of The Management were impressed but displeased. On a related note: stop getting taller and taking things that were previously out of your reach on tables and shelves. The Management is having a hard time keeping up.
You can see we are being very reasonable here and, given that you pay nothing in rent or utilities, it seems only fair that you should respect the lease agreement.
(who loves you so much, our little sweetie guy. nom nom nom , kisses for you)