Are you normal?

I have a bit of a magazine problem. I have at current count subscriptions to at least seven* magazines (in my defense some of them were gift subscriptions or buy one get one free deals). If there is one thing I have learned from the thousands of magazines I’ve read over the years, especially the ones geared toward girls/women, is that it is really, really, super duper important to be normal. You must be normal in bed, normal about friends, normal about your money, normal in your feelings about parenting (if you aren’t, no worries, the magazines are here for you.)

The current reading pile

Maybe you don’t read as many magazines as I do. Maybe now you are wondering if you are normal. Perhaps you are worried you’re not. Perhaps you should be.

Do not fear, dear reader, for I am have just the quiz to help you determine how normal you are**

1. Your darling child who usually sleep until about 6:30am, maybe 6:45am if you are lucky and the stars are in alignment, is still sleeping at 8:15am on a Monday morning. Your reaction?

    A) I hope the little dear is feeling okay

    B) Why? Why? Why, for the love of everything good and holy, can’t he do this on a WEEKEND morning?

2. You plan to go swimming over your lunch hour but due to forces beyond your control you can’t go. What do you do?

    A) You wait until your son is down for his nap and then do one of the many exercise videos you have

    B) You wait until your son is down for his nap and you make monkey bread instead

3. It is a beautiful sunny day. Your spouse is working late and won’t be home for hours. Do you take your child outside to play?

    A) Yes, it is vitally important for him to get outside and to run and experience nature

    B) Yes, because it is vitally important that he get outside, run a lot, wear himself down and go down early for bed tonight.

4. Your jeans keep falling down. You?

    A) Throw them away and vow to try on as many pairs of jeans as it takes to find a pair that really fits you well.

    B) Throw them in the wash and vow to stop wearing them 12 times in a row between washes. Trust the dry to shrink them back.

5. Your daycare is unexpectedly closed for the day. You are “working from home”. This means:

    A) You check your email every hour and respond as quickly as possible. While your child naps you return phone calls.

    B) You check your email first thing in the morning, don’t reply to anything and read blogs and eat monkey bread while your child naps.

6. True or False: If McDonald’s delivered to the boondocks, you’d be having french fries and chicken nuggets right now.

    A) False

    B) True, oh so true.

7. You are outside playing with your boy and you see a snake. Does this freak you out as much as seeing a mouse in the kitchen?

    A) Yes!

    B) Hell no

8. You are outside playing with your boy and you see a snake. You consider showing it to the boy but you have a safety concern. Whose safety are you concerned for?

    A) The boy

    B) The snake.

9. There is a dill pickle on your child’s dinner plate. True or false: this totally counts as a vegetable

    A) False

    B) True. 

**********

The scoring: The more “B” answers you picked, the more totally normal and well-adjusted you are. The more “A” answers you picked, well, let’s just say you need to try harder.

* Vanity Fair, Glamour, Ladies Home Journal, Runners World, The New Yorker, Oprah, Real Simple. Judge away…or try to guess which ones were freebies.

** Grading scale is based on what I would do/think/feel as I am as normal as $76 a year in magazine subscriptions can make someone

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3 thoughts on “Are you normal?

  1. Johanna I. says:

    Oh good, now I don’t feel so bad about all of the magazines that we get: Entertainment Weekly, Allure, Teen Vogue, Dog Fancy, Coastal Living, Sports Illustrated, Details, etc. We were members of a frequent flyer program for an airline that merged with another so they sent us an offer to redeem our miles through magazine subscriptions. We now get over 2000 miles worth of magazines and I’m kind of looking forward to them expiring so I can fill my mailbox with magazines I really want.

  2. Gretchen says:

    That’s hilarious! I had a 2-year subscription to Better Homes & Gardens and wanted out after about 6 months but they just kept coming, and coming, and coming.

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