Gray Day

 

Today is a gray day.

Literally, as it is dark and clouded and has been raining and hailing off and on all afternoon. The clouds are hanging low in the sky, making things feel small and close.

It is also a day that finds me feeling like the owl in the book above*. Gray day, I watch but nothing moves today.

I have the day off from work today (we get a long weekend to allow the students a travel day for the Easter holiday) and Mr. Monkey dispatched the baby to daycare so I truly have the whole day to myself but it doesn’t feel like a fun playing hooky kind of day.

Perhaps because the day started with one of those difficult marital conversations where you realize that neither of you is wrong but neither of you is happy about a particular situation. We don’t fight, but we’ve circled this particular conversation several times and it doesn’t seem to help. And maybe I’ve been thinking about it all day and have come to the conclusion that I haven’t been doing enough to tend to certain aspects of our relationship, aspects that were previously so easy, so effortless that I never imagined that I’d need to worry about it. Our whole relationship has generally been so comparatively easy and effortless (at least to me)(and I think to Mr. Monkey) that I’ve never thought of it as something that needs “work” but now I wonder if, after 5 years, maybe we do need to be a bit more, I don’t know, intentional about our relationship.

Perhaps the day feels gray because I haven’t really used my time in particularly useful ways. I get so little time to myself (neither does my husband, this is the lot of the parent of a young child, I suppose) that sometimes I feel a tremendous pressure to do a ton of stuff with that time: take a long bike ride! Write, write, write! Go to the big city and run errands! Clean the whole house….and the car…and the yard!

I vacuumed the car, so there was that little burst of productivity, but mostly I’ve been reading my book for book club (Shutter Island, which was good, depressing but good) and day dreaming and procrastinating.

I watch but nothing moves today.

*********************************************************

*By the way, this book? Two thumbs up from me and the bobo.

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One thought on “Gray Day

  1. rie says:

    hey sweetie — yeah, the easy, “just happened” stuff does start needing more intentional attention and work at some point. cool that you two talk so well and often that you know this – -and that it doesn’t just happen and take everyone by surprise many years later after it turns into huge apathy and distance.

    call if you need to talk. love to all the monkeys!

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