Okay, so here is the thing: I have been eating as though there is a prize out to be won for being the person who can eat the most sugar during the course of a work day.
(Unless you count bigger pants as a prize. Which: no.)
I’ve been keeping candy stashed in my desk drawers and leftover cookies and other treats from work events on my bookshelf and I have been eating a lot of it. Enough that I’ve almost gained back all of the 12-15 pounds I lost in the midst of training for that tri back in September. It doesn’t feel good to admit that. It doesn’t feel good to have the waistband on pants fitting tightly again. It just doesn’t.
I have a long and messy history with weight stuff and saying that I am “on a diet” is a crazy making thing for me but I know I need to get the eating thing back on a better track, not just because of the tightening of the pants but because I want to run and cycle and swim FAST and I am slowing myself down with the extra poundage.
So, today I packed my lunch and breakfast with good healthy food (oatmeal and fruit and yogurt and high fiber cereal to munch on) and have decided to set a goal for no fast food and no candy for this week as those are my two biggest vices.
And, you guys? It is hard. I’ve been thinking about food all day. There are cookies in my office but I know that A) I’m not actually hungry and B) they will still be there later but there is a part of my brain that is apparently operated by this guy:
and that part wants all the cookies right now.
I can’t think about how much weight I want/need to lose. I can’t or I’ll freak out.
I can decide that for this week I’m not going to have candy and I’m not going to have fast food. I’m not on a diet. I am on the Eat Less Shit So I Can Run Faster Plan (or ELSSICRF for short).
On the subject of things that make me want to eat cookies until I am in a sugar coma: we found another house to apply for this weekend. Hopefully we’ll hear something about our application tonight. I am already feeling anxious about the whole God-awful moving process and am just hoping that we can make it through with out Mr. Monkey and I bickering (I get stressed out during times of upheaval and might be a touch more irritable than usual…unless it is normal to start fights with your spouse in your head and to actually have the whole fight in your head without mentioning it to the other person? And then being somewhat pissed at how unreasonable and ass-holey they were. During the fight. You know, the one that only happened in your head. Gah.)