The truth about the weather

Summer is a glorious season in many ways. You can go to the beach. The yummiest fruits are in season (hello strawberries!). You can buy $2 worth of sidewalk chalk and watch your kid lose his mind with happiness. After a long, long, long Iowa winter summer feels like a gift.

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Here’s the thing though: summer is a tough season if you are fat (I hesitated to write FAT. I thought about going with “big” or “plus sized” but really, fat is the right word). At my current size/weight summer is the season of boob sweat, of thigh rub, of wondering if the humidity is really that bad or if it is just the extra layer of insulation making you so uncomfortable. It is *much* harder to figure out the clothes thing in the summer than the winter.

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Yesterday I was walking around our neighborhood (p.s. I continue to be in love with our new neighborhood) and I caught a glimpse of myself in a store window as I walked by. It was 80 some degrees (with 65% humidity) and I was walking uphill. My face was red and there were streaks of sweat going down my face and neck. I felt uncomfortable. I looked uncomfortable. And I felt ashamed.

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It is hard, sometimes, being this weight. I’m disappointed in myself and keenly aware that being this weight makes it harder for me to do the things I want to do, like run and compete in triathlons. I find myself feeling shocked that I am still, after a decade of being overweight, struggling with this.

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This is a hard one to write.

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6 thoughts on “The truth about the weather

  1. rie says:

    our world makes it difficult to accept yourself if you aren’t . norms suck. but we live in them and judge ourselves by them… not giving up is key (as your friend above notes). but it is so very hard. so i’m glad you wrote this, to remind all of us who struggle against norms in whatever way to keep on. and not be ashamed. and be mad in love with ourselves.

    i am mad in love you with, wendy girl (in a different way than your sweet husband, of course, but you know what i mean), and you should not be ashamed of yourself ever. your son is a GIFT to this world because you are who you are in the many ways you are (yup, i wrote that as an english major — i can live with that) — you embody (yes, that word is used deliberately) beauty and strength and love and acceptance and so many things amazing. he will learn from that to be all those things too. WOW, i say. your beauty makes more beauty. how cool is that?

    no shame. much proudness. go with that.

    • rie says:

      annoying — my clever phrasing was deleted. where the 1st sentence ends awkwardly there was an “insert” that obviously got seen as HTML (due to carrots, or carots, or whatever they are). it read something like , “insert heterosexual, gender-normative, ethnically ambiguously supermodel name here”.

  2. Gretchen says:

    Can I just say this weekend WAS hot and uncomfortable, no matter what size you are? Geez, it was like an August preview. And body image is tough, seems like if we could only control one thing in life it should be ourselves and that’s just not the case.

  3. DomesticatedGal says:

    You may not be the size you’d ideally like – but then, who is? And I guarantee you could kick most super model’s butts. Its about being fit – and your are well on your way to that.

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