What if

Sometimes I get discouraged.

Sometimes I look at myself and think that I’ll never have a “good” body (whatever that is, which is a whole other post). I’ve had a baby. I have stretch marks. My boobs got a one-way ticket away from Perkyville years ago.

Sometimes, when I’m swimming or running, I think that I’ll never be as fast as I once was.

Sometimes it feels pointless because I feel so stuck inside the current skin I’m in and it is hard to see s future where I’m not like this.

But then I read this blog or this one or this one  and I see how these women, all mothers, all athletes, are all training and are seriously pursuing PRs and athletic goals and I start get a radical notion. What if I won’t ever be as fast or as fit as I once was? What if I was faster and fitter? What if I was in better shape at 35 than 25?

I would say I was at my fittest in high school when I was swimming twice a day and doing weights in PE. Realistically, I’ll probably never again have 5-6 hours to devote to training on daily basis so I can’t compete in terms of volume. But, when I was in high school I had terrible eating habits (loads of junk food, lots of processed stuff, tons of soda, hardly any fruits or veggies) and I did almost no cross training. I could swim for hours but couldn’t run 2 miles. I don’t know if I could ever beat my swim times from then, but what if I could be more fit overall?

If I really believe that this is possible, what would I give up to get there? The peanut butter m&m’s in my desk drawer? The late night ice cream snack? The hours sitting on the couch that could be spent on my bike or in the pool?

If I really believe that it is possible, would I try?

Hell yes.


7 thoughts on “What if

  1. Ellie says:

    I have stretch marks and no child to show for it and I frequently judge myself pretty harshly for the cellulite that has taken up permanent residence in my legs and ass. And there are days where I just want to sit on the couch and eat, or worse, eat and don’t even notice I’m doing it. I find myself in days where I’m down on myself and forget that I’m okay where I am right now, or where I forget that my motivation to take care of myself will return again tomorrow (or maybe next week).

    So, YAY! for the hell yes! I absolutely agree that you can and will be healthier than you were. And a reminder maybe more for myself, but also for you–if you have that ice cream tomorrow night, or if you don’t swim as far next time, you’re no less fabulous! And any work that you have put in still counts and definitely still matters.

    Now how’s that for sappy? 🙂

  2. Kelly says:

    I know I am fitter at 32 (almost 33) than I was at 22. Not skinnier, but fitter. I ran 5 miles on Saturday morning and it wasn’t bad. I would have laughed at the very thought of this at 22.

    You can do this for sure. Your determination and goal setting and support from your husband and love for yourself and your son are going to make the difference. I know it!

    I MISS YOU!!!!

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