Um, how to begin? Well, when I first saw the envelope you left in my mailbox (you know, the one on my porch, the one you had to climb up the steps on to private property to get to?) I thought “oh, what a pretty envelope!”. And it is pretty, yellow with swirls of flowers on the front and the back. I like it. I’d possibly buy it at a stationary store.
The inside of the envelope perplexes me and, I’ll admit it, kind of freaks me out. Why did you leave an envelope with a used make-up sponge and no note for me? Do you think I don’t wear enough make-up? Did you think I lost it somewhere? (It isn’t mine, so no worries there).
I find myself wondering who you are. Are you the person who has been going through our trash cans? Do you live in my neighborhood? Are you a crazy? I only ask because my husband watches a lot of the show Criminal Minds and, I have to say, I feel that it has given me a heightened awareness of the potential that there could be scary people all around and I hope that you are not a Criminal Minds potential guest star, you know?
So, maybe, just for me you could stay off the porch and not leave me anything else, okay?
Monkey (who is totally sleeping with a weapon tonight, FYI)