Oh Child of Mine

So let me tell you how my day started. I’ll warn you in advance that this is not a post to read whilst eating.

Morning dawns in the monkey household and the two adults get up and go about their business. The little monkey,  who usually arises before 7am is still sleeping at 7:15am (which, of course he is. Because it is a weekday. I’ll bet you $10 right now that he won’t sleep past 6:45am either of the weekend days coming up).

I, reluctantly, go in to wake him up. I hate waking a sleeping child but we had to get going for work. I go into his dark room and hear him gently breathing, still curled up like a little shrimp in his blankets. I gaze tenderly at him, this sweet baby boy. I go to his dresser and turn off his monitor. I turn off his fan. I start walking to his bed and suddenly I step on something. Something hard and round.

I squint my eyes and look at the floor. There are dozens (DOZENS! am not exaggerating here) of little black balls on the floor. The kiddo starts to wake up. My mind is reeling: what are those? (did the radiator back up and shoot out dirt clods? Do radiators do that?). I call for my husband and turn on the light. The 2 year old who is fully clothed whispers “good morning mama”.

My husband comes in and squats down and picks up one of the hard black balls (heh) and sniffs it (!!). “Oh, yeah. That is poop” he says as he drops that poop ball back on the floor “check his diaper.” I check his diaper and sure enough there is evidence of poop but no actual poop. My son starts saying “I sorry, I sorry mama dada”. He tries to pick up the poop. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry as I scoop him up and carry him out of the room.

We’re still not sure exactly what happened but it looks like my son pooped in his diaper, got up, took his pants and diaper off somehow, dumped the poop on his floor (and some in his bed) and managed to put his pants and diaper back on and then went back to sleep. I’m actually sort of impressed about that part.

We ended up having to strip his whole bed (multiple blankets and stuffed animals, all of which just got washed a few days ago), disinfect his plastic digger he sleeps with, pick up all the poop off the floor, vacuum the floor, remake the bed, clean the left over poop of his bottom, scrub his hands, scrub our hands, scrub my foot and then start the normal morning routine.

Good morning Mama indeed.

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