The Lake

There is a lake not to far from our house and the kiddo and I like to go swim and play on the beach. It is good times, except for one small thing.

The beach and the lake are filled with morons. Morons who suck. Morons who suck and make me feel grouchy and who make an otherwise delightful outing with my kid have less than pleasant moments.

You officially suck, beach goer, if you:

– Smoke on the beach. Or worse, smoke in the lake. There are clearly posted no smoking signs and I don’t want to swim past your cigarettes. Trashy behavior.

– Put your child, who doesn’t know how to swim, in a life vest and water wings and let him play in the water while you go sit 50 yards away under a tree. 50 bonus suck points if you then have to haul ass into the water to holler at him because he is going out too far and is making you nervous. 75 bonus suck points for the fact that the kid in question is six years old.

– Keep yelling “Suck my dick motherf*ckers” to your other 12 year old friends super loudly around a bunch of small kids. Stay classy pre-teen, stay classy.

Grr. Stop sucking people.

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3 thoughts on “The Lake

  1. Gretchen says:

    I have to apologize for Iowa’s beaches. I went looking for a beach where I felt like I could hang out a few years ago. Couldn’t handle the people or the green water and goose poop, and I felt like I should shower with bleach when I got home.

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