I am starting, slowly but noticeably, to feel better (an unfortunate incident involving Wheat Thins this morning not withstanding). I am taking less of the Zofran and was actually able to cook something for myself this weekend and not end up gagging helplessly in the kitchen. I’m starting to see the other side- the side where I can think about being pregnant with something other than, frankly, dread.
This pregnancy has been interesting so far. With little monkey #1 it took us about 9 months to get pregnant. I did the prenatal vitamins for six months before he was conceived, I had run all the financial numbers to make sure we were ready and could afford a baby, I had judiciously stock piled vacation and sick leave at work so I could take a decent maternity leave (all the while cursing the fact that the US is so shitty compared to other developed countries where maternity leave is concerned. There is nothing like pregnancy to make you wish you were Canadian). I felt mostly prepared for Miles before he was even a second line on the pee stick.
This time around, it is different. We weren’t planning on this baby, which doesn’t mean we don’t welcome him or her, but I was on the pill and allegedly kind of infertile so there has been an element of shock. I also started this pregnancy with a kidney stone and then a UTI and then terrible morning sickness, so I’ve basically felt gross for a month and a half. I’m seven months into a new job at a place that has no paid maternity leave at all so I’m looking at having to take several weeks of unpaid leave when the time comes. We can afford another little person but only because we will have to radically shift our financial goals to make it happen.
I have to say that I’ve felt a little, I don’t know, skeptical about this pregnancy in a way that I didn’t with my first. We had a miscarriage scare early on and I think it has taken me a while to get past that and feel like this one was really going to stick. I’ve had a hard time getting excited about it all, which is kind of hard to admit in writing, but there you go.
I think I’m turning a corner though. I bought some maternity clothes this weekend and I’m starting to breathe a little bit and letting myself start to get attached to the idea of another little person. I’m starting to imagine another curly haired, chunky baby. Maybe a girl this time. I’m starting to believe that this is all actually going to happen.