Humble

I’m sitting at my desk, trying to catch up at with work stuff. He sits on the floor, quietly putting together a puzzle. I adore him and the big boy he is becoming.

I worry I should be on the floor doing the puzzle with him but I am in the weeds at work and there are grad school applications that need to be worked on and I can’t breath deeply lately because I feel so behind.

So I kiss him on the head and turn back to the computer.

***************************************************

It is cold and dark out. Mr. Monkey has dropped the kids off at my work so he can go teach. The boy wants a snack out of the vending machine and I said no and now he is in full tantrum.

I put the baby in the car. The boy screams that he won’t get in. I pick him up and he squirms and flails and does the rigid star fish so I can’t put him in his car seat.

It is dark and cold and I’m tired and hungry and now the baby is crying.

And I pick him up and I scream “STOP IT! STOP IT NOW” right into his four year old little face. It shocks him into stillness and I quickly buckle him as he starts crying great gasping cries “You scared me Mama, you scared me.”

And I feel like shit but am angry and frustrated and tired and I drive home with him crying the whole way.

************************************************

I finally have them both in bed.

And I have the GRE tomorrow and work to do on grad school applications tonight.

And I am tired and sad and humbled.

Man. Parenting is hard.

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3 thoughts on “Humble

  1. Laura says:

    Oh Wendy, parenting is so hard. And you do SO. MUCH. I hope you know that you are a good parent. There’s so much to juggle, and babies (and I imagine kids, not there yet myself) can be so frustrating. You are only human, and you are a good parent.

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