I got out of bed this morning and it was still dark out.
Middle of the night dark.
It was dark and I was desperately tired, thanks both to the fact that it was not yet five and because my darling daughter didn’t sleep through the night (neither did my darling son, come to think of it)(I feel compelled to note that Mr. Monkey usually deals with baby wake ups but I still hear them and wake up for a bit too).
But I got up and dressed in the clothes I laid out last night and grabbed the bag I packed before bed and drove to the gym, joining the crowd of early risers carrying in work clothes. I’m working on accepting that these are my people.
Though I’ve been a morning worker outer in the past, it has never been my first choice but a clear eyed look at my life circumstances (the job, the kids, the husband, the prospect of grad school in the fall) has led me to conclude that if I want to race again someday that my best bet is to work out in the morning before I’m worn out by work or guilty about taking time away from the family.
And I want to race again someday and I want that, ultimately, more than I want to sleep (that may be the most painful sentence I’ve ever written).
My mantra as I make this transition back to the world of early rising: Unhappiness comes from giving up what I really want for what I want right now.