I am, right now, allegedly working on my homework. The kiddos are sleeping. I have snacks and a working internet connection and all the resources I need to get shit done.
And I am. Sort of.
I’ve read two chapters of one of my textbooks and have an idea peculating in my brain for a short paper that is due on Saturday. I’m in the zone of school but then there are breaks for checking Facebook or reading a blog or two and then I realize that I am wasting valuable kid free time.
I haven’t been in school since, uh, 2006? I think? I’ve never been in school and had young kids. I’ve never been in school and had a job like my current one, a job that requires a lot of my time and my brain and that bleeds (because I let it, because I want so much to do well at it) into my personal life/time as this one.
I like to study in chunks, in hours or whole days, in settings away from home. In the past, if I had a paper due on Friday, I’d take Thursday off of work and camp out at a coffee shop and bang it out (I’m a fast reader and writer, so this usually worked out okay for me). I am in the midst of realizing that this is not a viable plan this time around. So far the kind of assignments I need to complete are different and don’t lend themselves to a one day binge of productivity. My life is also different. I don’t have the luxury of time in the same way I used to.
I’m going to have to start working in smaller chunks, in evening hours at home when the kids are sleeping. I’m going to, frankly, have to try harder than I remember trying for my master’s program (this is not a humble brag, by the way. I did try hard sometimes in my MA program but I also have a GPA for that program that is average at best and very little in the way of helpful recollections from my stats class. I have some regrets, is what I’m saying).
I believe that I will make this work, that we’ll find ways as a family to work this out, that I’ll give up some things (like evening TV, I suspect) to make it work. I’m just not quite there yet.
But it is Wednesday night and I have a paper and another big assignment due on Saturday and so I’ll do a little more tonight and plan to do a little more tomorrow night and the next night and will hope that I can resist the siren song of Facebook a little better tomorrow than I did tonight.