On Being Ridiculous

So, here is the annoying thing about being ridiculous about something (and I mean in the “Honey, you are being ridiculous” with the implied “so stop it” kind of way) : I know that I am being ridiculous, I understand all the reasons that the way I’m feeling is ridiculous, and yet logic is no match for the feelings.

On a related note, I turned 35 yesterday and I am having Feelings about it.

I’ve never had an age related freakout before, so I’m in uncharted territory here, not 100% why I’m having “ugh 35” feelings. I certainly don’t have negative associations about 35 or older as it relates to the many people I love who are that age or older. I’m not mourning the loss of my youthful good looks (as I’ve been feeling rather frumpy for about a decade now). I don’t really think I should be in some sort of different life place than I am now.

I just feel blue.

Maybe it is because I’ve hit another year where I feel very aware of the fact that I am still struggling with the exact same things I was struggling with last year (weigh/body stuff, uncertainty about my future in some regards, etc). Maybe it is because my damn foot has been hurting for over a month and I’m feeling broken down. Maybe because I’m worried about work things and am not sleeping well.

Whatever the reason, I feel like I want to take a long nap and then be by myself for a good long time (this despite the fact that being with my loved ones, having birthday pizza and ice cream last night did momentarily cheer me).

I’m torn between wanting to tell myself to get over it and stop whining and a desire to just wallow a bit and hang out with my slightly melancholy feelings.

(I’ll be fine. I *AM* fine, just blue, at the moment.)

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