Not Ready

My boy, my sweet big-hearted boy, starts kindergarten next week. He is *so ready*. He wants to make friends and learn to read and carry his Star Wars lunch box every day.

We want to an informal playgroup tonight at his school and as I watched him race around the playground and try to make friends with the other kids, I realized that I am very much not feeling ready.

I’m sending my baby into the world, where kids might be mean to him, where he will begin to realize not everyone wants to be his friend. He is so friendly and just doesn’t understand yet that the bigger kids might not want to play with the kindergarten kids, so that second grader who lives down the street might not be his friend at school. He can also be a little bossy (hello, first born child) and is super verbal and that might rub some kids the wrong way. And so maybe the best thing to do is to homeschool him until such time as appropriate arranged marriage can take place, right?

I don’t have fond memories of elementary school. It was a tough, tough time for me and I didn’t really fit in socially. I was made fun of a lot. I don’t recall having friends, not really. I got along better with the teachers than the other kids. My stomach knots up when I think about my kiddo having that experience, my experience.

But that is the thing, right? That was my experience and he will have his own experience and my job is going to to get out of his way so he can make his friends and find his place.

But, oof, my heart. Please be kind to him, world. He’s such a great kid.Image




One thought on “Not Ready

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