Dreaming

I know that talking about your dreams is considered a politeness no-no as nobody really ever cares about someone else’s dreams but, honestly, what is the point of having a tiny blog if I can’t use it to bore other people about my dreams?

I’ve been having anxiety dreams lately, all of which have involved me getting yelled at by men. First there was the one where my brother-in-law, a teddy bear of a guy, was screaming at me, then there was Neil deGrasse Tyson yelling at me because I was driving us and kept getting lost, and then last night Tim Gunn was enraged at me because I was a finalist on Project Runway and I showed up for the Fashion Week runway show with bags full of used clothes from Lane Bryant. I kept claiming that the other designers had sabotaged me but dream me may have been lying about that. I was kind of frantic and distracted by the fact that all the models were making fun of how frumpy my clothes were. Bitches.

I used to have anxiety dreams about losing the baby. She was always in the bed somewhere, I was sure, but I just couldn’t find her. My frantic patting of the covers would often wake up Mr. Monkey who would assure me that the baby was in her bed, right where we left her. I haven’t had one of those dreams in a while, which is interesting not that she is actually now old enough and craft enough to have really escaped from our house somehow.

I’m 99% sure my anxiety is grad school related. I’ve actually been making some good progress on my writing and research lately, but it is the sort of progress where the more you do, the more you realize how much you still have left. I’m feeling pretty excited about the work I’m doing right now but I finding large chunks of time to work on it (which is my preferred work style, which as you can imagine, is super impractical when one also has children and a job and a strong desire to sleep at least seven hours a night) is hard to come by. I’ve been trying to chip away at it everyday which is good but seems to be triggering some kind of internal freak out.

Hopefully as I keep making progress, my dreams will settle down and all the yelling will stop. I need Tim Gunn to go back to being a helpful internal life coach. I promise, Tim, I’m trying to make it work.

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