Where Should I Be?

I should be in bed right now but instead I am on the couch in the basement, writing and thinking about the things I didn’t accomplish today.

I didn’t spend any time with my son. I saw him for about 15 minutes this morning before he left for school and he was long in bed by the time I got home tonight at 10:00pm.

I didn’t finish the section of my lit review that has been gnawing at me this week. I am so close to being finished but this section needs my time and a degree of concentration that I can’t seem to give it during my lunch hour, the one set time I have carved out to do homework this week.

I didn’t go swimming (again)(as has been the case for, oh, basically months and months) even though there is a pool down the street from my work that I have access to and I’ve been feeling a longing to swim again lately.

I didn’t make it to the ballet class that I have been taking and loving. I’ve missed three weeks in a row now and I’ll probably miss next weeks too.

This is all sounding a bit “woe is me”, I realize so I should clarify that today was actually a pretty good day.

I did go into work a little late, so I got some quality time with Evelyn this morning. We pretended to be turtles, as one does. I got to dress her and snuggle with her and enjoy the quiet of our house with just the two of us there while Mr. Monkey took the bigger kiddo to school.

I made some good progress on some research projects at work and finished preparing for a meeting on Friday that I’ll be leading. I got some nice feedback on a presentation I did and took care of most of my email so I don’t face an exploding in-box in the morning.

I made sure that some of my paid writing work got shared on social media, which will hopefully lead to my editors being happy with me so I can keep up the freelance work that I have come to really enjoy doing.

I went to the on-site gym for the second time in the two months I’ve worked at New Job and did some school related reading while I pedaled on an exercise bike. It was probably less than ideal from both a fitness and academic perspective but, on both counts, it is better than nothing.

I got home and got to chat with my husband and we watched a show off the DVR and laughed like loons.

My life is full and good and I am fortunate in many ways but I would be lying if I didn’t say that it feels hard sometimes, the tension I feel about trying to divide my time between work and school and my family. I’ll likely be a grad student for another year or so (the light at the end of the tunnel) but right now that feels like a long time to be constantly feeling like something or someone is getting neglected.

(An aside: I realized yesterday that it is NaNoWriMo time and, honest to God, I had a momentary flash of “oh! I should try that again this year”. Thankfully this was followed almost immediately by my saner side saying “Are you f*cking kidding me?”. So. At least I am sometimes smart enough to know my limitations).

2 thoughts on “Where Should I Be?

  1. Mums who Study says:

    Great post…it’s worth the time writing this all down because as you have shown when you do, by the end of it you can start to see the good bits but sometimes just getting the not-so-good bits off your chest really helps and makes things clearer. Best wishes to you,

  2. Molly says:

    Thanks for sharing. I’m also working on grad school right now and am pregnant with my first child. You know how people do those “day in the life” posts? Could you do a “week in the life” kind of post? I would like to see what the typical week looks like

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