Things I Have Lied to My Children About

– That mini Heath bars from their trick-or-treat bags are “spicy”

– That Calliou isn’t on TV now. Or ever. It got cancelled. Because Calliou was too whiny. (That last part is actually true, of course)

– That I have no idea where your maracas are

– Totally weird that your kazoo is missing too.

– That it is illegal to go sledding if it is too cold.

– No, that isn’t candy in my purse. It is medicine. Special chocolate mommy medicine.

– Sure, color on my page. I don’t mind you messing up drawing on my page.

– We can’t afford that Lego set. Or that one. Or that one.

– Santa can tell if you wipe boogers on your bedroom wall, young man.

– Mama and Dada are just snuggling. Go back downstairs and watch TV. No, really let us finish snuggling.

– I don’t think eating pizza every night is a good idea.

– Your smoothie is green because it is a Ninja Turtle flavor.

Parenting: where honesty is overrated.

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