Conversations: 7 year old edition

(Context: He had just finished reading a book about the Nazi invasion)

“Mom, can I say a swear word about Hitler? Just once?”

“Okay…”

“Hitler was STUPID”

“I think he was even worse than stupid. He was evil.”

“I’m going to say a double swear, okay? Hitler was SHUT UP STUPID!”

11895951_10154241232160550_4225318773516424413_n

(A friend of mine happened to be in Germany this week and visited Dachau Concentration Camp. She took a message from Miles there.)

***

M: “I’m probably going to be the best American Ninja Warrior when I grow up.”
Me: “Yeah? You’ll have to train really hard.”

M:”Well, I already have strong muscles for a 7 year old and I’ve watched pretty much every episode so I know exactly what to do. Not like Evelyn. She doesn’t even know.”

Ev: “I do know. I do!”

M: “No offense, Evelyn, but I am smarter than you.”

Me: “Miles, that was rude…”

M: “I said NO OFFENSE. So it can’t be rude.”

Me: “Yeah, that isn’t how that works.”

***

“Mom, do you know why toots are funny?”

“Why do you think?”

“Because it is your BUTT making noise. That is so funny. BUTT talking!”

***

“”Hey, Mama? Do you want to smell my butt?”
“Ew, no. Don’t be rude.”
“Sorry. PLEASE Mama, do you want to smell my BOTTOM?”

****

“Wait, Mama? One last question before you tuck me in. When I get married, how will I get my wife pregnant, exactly?”

(insert clear, factual, non-embarrassed description of the process)
“So, the penis goes inside the vagina and then the vagina is like an extra toilet?”

Err…not quite.

****

“Mom, I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie. You are my best guy.”

“Someday I’ll probably live in another house, but you can come over every day”

“Oh, that is nice. I’d like to see you every day.”

“Yeah, and you can make sure my wife knows I like fish sticks and pizza and having dessert every day. You’ll tell her all that, right?”

“Um, sure. Or you could tell her what you like.”

(Sighs deeply) “I’m not sure if she’ll listen to me…”

***

On a related note, this kid still has a full week before he goes back to school. He is ready, my husband is ready, c’mon on Labor Day weekend, let’s get this show on the road.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Conversations: 7 year old edition

  1. Virginia G says:

    Wow. That’s some heavy reading for a seven year old! Cute memories, though. I look forward to my son learning to talk, but I bet there will be times when I regret it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s