Let’s review the year in Wendy’s favorite Tweets. Please note that I opted not to just feature the entire Parks and Ham hashtag as I realize that not everyone is as obsessed with the BEST MUSICAL EVER as I am.
Looking at this list makes me realize that I’m very likely to favorite anything involving children putting things up their noses or doing things that embarrass their parents. I am a simple person.
Bus driver- "Have a good day, little lady."
My 9 yo: "You too, old man."
— Clueless But Hopeful (@cluelesshopeful) December 15, 2015
I have to fix this autocorrect typo but I kind of never want to. “Slow down, it’s a macaroon, not a sprint.”
— Maria Mora (@MariaMelee) December 10, 2015
1. have u seen a teenage penguin 2. have u ever seen anything more extremely a teenager in ur life pic.twitter.com/a8KDQrJjXI
— ne$ha (@neshathewicked) December 5, 2015
His psalms are sweaty, knees weak, cross is heavy. There's vomit on his robe already, Vatican spaghetti…
#popebars pic.twitter.com/u7gBksSHSR
— Andrew Bloch (@AndrewBloch) November 30, 2015
Henry made a tree and rocks and a snake. He's very proud. pic.twitter.com/AbJEXUKmZb
— Kate Welsh (@Kate_Welsh) November 18, 2015
"You know, all your friends use the potty. You're the only one who still wears diapers." "Yeah, I'm special!" So peer pressure's a no.
— Kate Welsh (@Kate_Welsh) November 6, 2015
@TheBloggess The handsomest man I've ever seen once sat down next to me & said "Hi." I responded with "I'm eating a tootsie roll." He left.
— Daize (@Daize_Plays) November 1, 2015
Lord, show me how to say no to this. #ParksandHam pic.twitter.com/xh1cdtbh9P
— emily monster (@emilyisanelf) October 28, 2015
Ah, that magical moment when your baby draws his first picture. With his fingers. In a puddle of his own spit-up. On the living room floor.
— Miriel Reneau (@mirielmargaret) August 30, 2015
WIFE Black people can do anything.
DAUGHTER, 5 Can we miniaturize to ride butterflies?
SON, 5 Can we shoot grappling hooks from our mouths?
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) July 17, 2015
Someday I'm going to write a book for children called *No One Wants To See Your ______* and oh there will be so many pages.
— Arwen Mosher (@arwenelizabeth) July 14, 2015
@Kate_Welsh Simon is right there. Portions of my favorite accident report from daycare: pic.twitter.com/T7h2qZaSSw
— Anne (@AnnabelleSpeaks) June 16, 2015
Four Weddings, a Funeral, a Circumcision, and a Tonsilectomy #MakeAMovieLessRomantic
— M.C. Malette (@mar_de_palabras) June 11, 2015
With great power comes great
- responsibility
- wealth
- cheese
- capes
- programmes about you on the telly
- bacon
- rumpity-pumpity
- cake
— Henry Tudor (@KngHnryVIII) April 25, 2015
My kids are all chanting, "SACRIFICE! SACRIFICE!" while hanging a naked Ken doll upside down over a door with a taekwondo belt.
Parenting.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) April 23, 2015
Oh, you like to sleep in on weekends?
Cute story, it's still dark outside and I have a toy guitar.
-kids
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 7, 2015
Orthodontist: "I love your perfume." Swistle: "Thanks, it's calming lavender, I wear it whenever I'm going to talk about teeth and money."
— Swistle (@Swistle) February 12, 2015
In a rage at being denied a 30th muffin, Penelope grabbed herself by the shin and threatened, "Don't make me rip my leg off!"
— Kelly (@hellokorio) February 6, 2015
Toddlers are 30% faster naked. Little to no wind resistance.
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) January 11, 2015
I won't be doing a detox this year because I have a liver and kidneys.
— Kylo Hill (@Sci_Phile) January 1, 2015
"Mom one time I put pizza in mah nose becuz I wanted a weird booger!"
We are so proud.
— samantha jo campen (@samanthajcampen) November 10, 2015
