Things I Have Said to My Children Lately

“No, ma’am, you have to wear your underwear UNDER your pants. No, that IS the rule. Underwear are NOT A HAT.”

**

“I’m sorry that booger didn’t taste good.”

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“No thank you, I don’t want you to touch my face with your feet. Please take your toes out of my hair. No, I don’t want to lick your toe.”

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“You can’t see my uterus. No, not even if I open my mouth REALLY WIDE.”

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“Yes, you can wear your pajamas to the store, but they have to be clean pajamas. Yes, of course you have to wear underwear. No, I’m not kidding.”

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“I’m sorry your imaginary elephant died. That is sad. But why did you put paint on the imaginary monkey?”

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“You’re right– that was a big toot. No, I don’t think Dada heard it at work. No, I’m not going to call him.”

**

“I love you to the sun and back too.”

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