It feels hard to remember, but there was once a time when I went on Twitter to connect with friends, to follow along with live tweets of shows or sporting events, or to find out what pop culture moment people were talking about.
(it was usually Beyonce)
(as it should be)
But now I feel like I check into Twitter to find out what fresh bullshit happened in the world of politics lately. I feel a need to make sure I know what is going on because Constant! Vigilance! Is! Required! when you have a President who is wholly unqualified for the job and who surrounds himself with racists and anti-Semites and others who appear to be guided by a vision for our country that is alarmingly disconnected from basic principles of logic, critical thinking, honesty, and the Constitution. I’ve never felt like the future for our country was more bleak*
But sometimes I wonder how we’re going to survive the next four years.
I find that it feels hard for me to know how to be on social media these days. I could post an outraged status update on Facebook everyday, but sometimes it feels like shouting into the void. My liberal friends all already agree with me and my conservative family probably already has me muted. If I decide not to post about the fact that the “fake news” narrative put out by the White House is dangerous, am I shirking my duties as a member of the resistance? If I’m posting the latest cute picture of my kids or sharing a joke, will it give the impression to the Trump voters in my life that I’m finally “getting over it” and that this is starting to be normal? What if I wear my “Nevertheless she persisted” sweatshirt while I post?
I don’t know what normal should look like when it feels like the world has gone mad. I’m angry every day but I’m also still living a life that feels comfortable and filled with good things. There are people I love who I’ve lost respect for and I don’t know if I’ll ever look at them the same, but my core community is largely intact. I worry a lot about the Muslim students at my college, about the LGBTQ people I love, about how what is happening now will change my children’s lives forever. But I also still want to lose 20 pounds and plant a garden this spring and shop for shoes online and talk about what Beyonce is going to name her babies.
In some ways nothing has changed. In some ways everything has changed.
Maybe I’ll just spend my online time Googling “how to move to Canada”.
*Allow me to acknowledge my privilege here. I’m a middle class white lady who has long been accustom to a certain level of safety and racial comfort. I’m guessing what I feel now is not a new feeling for people who have been in marginalized groups.